Twilight: the pie chart

This is my impression of the book, not the movie–I hear the action's been tightened up for filming, which is good, because otherwise watching it would be like watching soap opera episodes written during a writers' strike, where the characters take a full episode to cross the room and order a drink from the bar ("Gin, with tonic…or Fresca? Hmmm…" Fade out, commercial).

I can get why girls, especially pre-teen girls, like the book, because it reads like something a teenager who'd never had a boyfriend would write (I know nothing about the author), and it starts with that I'm special but only the hero can see it, nobody else, not even me! Cinderella thing. Edward's stalky behavior makes me think a love story with Santa as the hero would be better than a Rankin-Bass special if it had a non-cipher for a heroine: What do you mean you can see me when I'm sleeping, and know when I'm awake? Get out of here, and take that creepy pack of elves with you! Mrs. Donner and the doll from the Island of Misfit Toys can give her advice. 

Edwards bugs because he's lived through the entire 20th century but has no sense of history–no In my day young men asked permission to come courting, no I invested in IBM in 1955, no The Beatles weren't that great–have you heard the Jackie Gleason orchestra?, nothing. Perpetually nineteen and shallow as my cats' water dish, and besides, what creature in their right mind would go back to high school for any reason whatsoever? As for Bella, hello, writers of the world? clumsiness is not character development.

Final verdict: it wouldn't kill you if it were the only book in your summer cabin, but you could get through about a third of the book reading only the even-numbered pages. I like Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse books better.

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One Response to Twilight: the pie chart

  1. Aubrey says:

    Perpetually nineteen and shallow as my cats' water dish
    I can imagine. But when a movie taps into the New Spending Generation, its hold on top boxoffice receipts will be as unshakable as a bulldog's.

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